Dear creative friend,
If I were to be really honest with you, I would tell you that I've been blue lately. That somehow my three week bout of Covid left me depleted and in a place of feeling lost inside of my own life. My mind has been a bad neighborhood! as Anne Lamott likes to say. I hear my thoughts and wonder, who is saying these terrible things?
If I were to be really honest with you, I would say that I've had two psychic readings this month, desperate to connect with my loved ones that recently passed. Desperate to be seen by them. To feel supported by Spirit.
And if I'm really honest, I would say that I really wanted some undeniable proof that they are there. That they haven't abandoned me, even though I can't feel them much these days. But after the reading, I was bereft. It wasn't particularly accurate. I had had conversations in my head all week with my mother, telling her all the ways she could identify herself so that I knew it was her. But nothing came through.
This all feels really vulnerable to share. I felt so foolish when I got off the call. What was I expecting? I thought. That they would somehow tell me all the things I most needed to hear? You are doing so well at living this life, Andrea. You are a good person. You are a good mother and a good daughter. Everything is going to be okay. You are going to fall in love again. You are going to feel safe in this world. We've got you, love.
When I told this to a friend, she paused, and then began reciting some of those things I had shared. “You are doing great at living this life, love. You are good. Everything is going to be okay. I've got you.”
This made me weep. This small gesture. It wasn't contrived. It might as well have come from Spirit itself.
And maybe that's the meaning to make from this. That you can ask yourself, “What does the most tender part of me need to hear?” And offer that to yourself.
Or you can ask a friend to say it. Have you ever asked a friend, “Can you just hug me and tell me everything is going to be okay?” And they do and you cry and it feels sacred and intimate. And it doesn't matter that you asked for it, it still lands as truth.
Because it is. In that moment, you are loving yourself. In that moment you are allowing yourself to be loved. ❤️
Thank you for sharing your low. It's precious.